2025

The Art of Dealing with Difficult People

There was a time when Jeremy couldn’t get through a single day without being drawn into someone else’s storm. At the office where he worked as a project coordinator, friction wasn’t just an occasional annoyance—it was baked into the job. And no one grated more on Jeremy’s nerves than Carl.

Carl, the senior tech lead, was brilliant but caustic. He interrupted meetings, dismissed ideas, and seemed to feed off the discomfort of others. For months, Jeremy took the bait. He’d argue, fume, and replay Carl’s snide remarks in his mind long after the workday ended. The mental stress wore him down, chipped away at his confidence, and left him dreading Mondays.

But everything changed the day he received a letter from his uncle.
Inside was a short note, written in his uncle’s flowing, elegant script: “You can't stop a bird from flying over your head, but you don't have to let it build a nest in your hair.” The note accompanied a small book on dealing with difficult personalities, something Jeremy hadn’t mentioned or discussed with his uncle. But as he flipped through the pages, something inside him clicked.

Jeremy decided to try a different approach.

At the next meeting when Carl shot him down – dismissing his ideas without even hearing them explained—Jeremy didn’t react. He stayed calm, nodded, and said, “Interesting point. I’d still like to walk the team through this version. Their response might surprise you.” Then he moved forward with his presentation, his voice steady, his posture relaxed.

Carl rolled his eyes, but Jeremy didn’t pause. He didn’t need to win the moment—in fact, he was aiming to win the bigger game: peace of mind.

Over the following weeks, Jeremy practiced what the book called emotional
distancing. He stopped assigning so much power to Carl’s words. When tensions flared, he’d silently ask himself, “Is this about me, or is this about him?” Most of the time, he realized, it was about Carl—his insecurity, his stress, his need to control.

When Carl grew sarcastic and accusatory, Jeremy became curious. He started noticing patterns. Carl tended to lash out more when deadlines were tight or when someone questioned his authority or competence. Understanding what was going on didn’t excuse the behavior, but it gave Jeremy perspective—and that perspective gave him control.

Jeremy also set boundaries. When Carl sent a harsh late-night email criticizing a team decision, Jeremy calmly and clearly replied, “I’m happy to discuss concerns during business hours. For now, I stand by the plan and appreciate your input.”

No fireworks. No snarky attitude. Just quiet strength.

Eventually, others in the office began to notice the change. Jeremy wasn’t tolerating Carl’s bad behavior anymore. He was leading by example. Jeremy offered kindness, but never weakness. He stayed firm, but not brittle. And in time, even Carl began to shift. Not into a model of emotional intelligence, but enough to start listening more and criticizing less.

One afternoon, after a successful product rollout, Carl wandered over to Jeremy’s desk. “You handled that whole thing well,” he said. “Better than I would’ve.”

Jeremy smiled, not smugly, but genuinely. “Thanks. Took me a while to figure out how to stay out of my own way.”

That night, Jeremy added a sticky note to the edge of his computer monitor that read, “Be the calm in the storm, rather than the storm itself.”

Dealing with difficult people, he realized, wasn’t about changing them. It was about not letting them change you.

And that, he had learned, was the real art of peace.

© 2025 Jill Reid

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The Art of Dealing with Difficult People

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